[Fanfic] Erwin's Phone

  • This whole fanfic was born from the loading screen where Erwin is holding a phone lol. I just got my wisdom teeth removed so I can't play the game right now or edit any videos, but I sure as heck can write about it. I write quite a few fanfics in my free time, so I'm glad to be writing one for this game. Enjoy~ That's if anyone even reads it :P


    Word Count: 916


    ~~~


    I showed this thing to Dr. Sarah once and she laughed at it, saying it's a fossil and today's communications are far more advanced. She looked a little shocked when I told her seriously to find some kind of way to fix or charge it. I would've done it myself if I had the right tools, but the equipment I'd use would be considered dinosaurs too. Nonetheless, the doctor did it. She even managed to create a charger just for my 'ancient' phone and let me keep it. I don't think she fully understood why I wanted it to work again. Truly, I don't think she'll ever be able to fully comprehend my standpoint.


    This piece of junk by today's standards is the only thing I have on me that has evidence of what the old world was like before the void happened with the Bashai and SoulDregs and anything else in between. Sure, we have dilapidated buildings and totaled cars to show the remnants of humans in their glory days, but those don't do me enough justice.


    What was society like? What were Cloudream's political affairs like before the void? What was I like?


    ...Perhaps I'm being too hopeful. A phone probably won't answer all of those questions. Even if I can't get the satisfaction of learning more about old Cloudream, that won't kill the strong flames of my curiosity for learning about the unknown. It shouldn't have been unknown in the first place.


    I haven't turned this thing on in fifteen years. My thumbs moved on their own as if it's second nature to me, and now I'm looking at the bootup screen. I'm getting huge nostalgia vibes even though I don't recognize half of what I'm seeing on this phone.


    Operating it is just as easy as me using my Gun Jazz. With a few more swipes and taps I found the app I made. I kinda remember that. It felt good when it made the top charts, but I got so bored shortly after... It's also a bullet hell type of game. How fitting. That might be why my SoulWeapon is a pair of pistols.


    The pictures were full of people I didn't know, a few of myself and screenshots of emails of what I presumed was when I developed the app. I'm not surprised by the pictures of some pretty girls~


    My music playlist is so cringy... What was I? Some kind of hopeless romantic? Just looking at the titles I can tell they're love songs. Skimming over all of that garbage, there's one song that made me stop for a second to fully read the title. I can... vaguely remember this. It feels important. My head whipped around the makeshift tent instinctively looking for earbuds. Right. I don't have those.


    So I'll just play it out loud...


    ...It shocked me that I had this on my phone, but my mom sang this song to me when I was little so I'd fall asleep. I can remember the tune.


    What I can't remember is her voice. What I can't remember is her face. I don't feel any warmth from this. I feel nothing... And that's what hurts the most.


    ...Or maybe it's for the better I can't remember. Sure it kinda stings, but imagine what it'd feel like if I knew her name, everything she did for me, or what her love felt like. I'm not the type to spill tears easily, but I'm sure even something like that would get me.


    I think I shouldn't keep looking at this phone anymore. Instead of information on what Cloudream used to be like, I got an overload on things my past self did and what I used to be like. And quite frankly, I don't want to turn this into a pain trip...


    "Hello? Erwin? You in there? Sorry, I'm coming in!"


    That was Stella... Oh, damn! I forgot the song was still playing. I paused it before she stepped inside.


    "Oh, yeah, what's up?" I tried to hide the surprise in my voice.


    "Mm... You look a little sad... But Avon wanted me to tell you to-" Stella mused, but her eyes quickly lit up when she saw the faint light of my phone on the tent walls, and then she followed it to my hands. "What's that?!"


    I turned it so she could have a better look at it. I changed it so it just showed the home screen. "Just an old phone. I was looking around in it is all."


    The excitement in her voice grew by the second. "Ah, I remember those! Does it have any games on it!? I wanna play one!"


    Aw, so cute. Her pure innocence over something so simple is enough to pull me out of my thoughts. "Sure, but didn't you say Avon wanted to tell me something? I think that's probably more important, Stella."


    She gasped, suddenly remembering, and her shoulders drooped. "Oh... That is more important I guess."


    "It's ok. As soon as he tells me what I need to know, I'll let you play with it all you like."


    "Really?!"


    "Of course. It's not much use to me, anyway."


    "Yay, thanks!" She even did a little hop. Ah, my heart.


    The both of us went to Avon shortly after. It's just another mission. Nothing new.


    But...


    Right after I delete all of those pictures, and right after I delete that song my mom used to sing to me...


    Stella can use my phone all she wants. At least it can bring joy to someone rather than making them sink, and feeling like a hallowed version of their past selves.


    ~~~


    A/N: We never see Erwin show much sadness in the game at all so I decided to write it :erwin4:

    I main Erwin but still like... Jin is forever best boi~

    Server: [NA] Tenebris / [EN] Candus

    My YouTube Channel :D

    Twitch Channel Here <3

    "It's a dark philosophy, and it haunts her constantly. She's a false alarm to me. She's a false alarm!"

  • Actually pretty good, I'm quite impressed

    Awww thanks~ I'm glad my drugged up mind from all the the meds I had to take from having my teeth pulled out managed to write something decent!

    I main Erwin but still like... Jin is forever best boi~

    Server: [NA] Tenebris / [EN] Candus

    My YouTube Channel :D

    Twitch Channel Here <3

    "It's a dark philosophy, and it haunts her constantly. She's a false alarm to me. She's a false alarm!"

  • I've been wanting to write a part 2 for this for quite a while now~ So here it is. More sad boy time.


    Word Count: 2,258


    Characters: Erwin, Stella (a little bit of Miriam, Amanda, and Haru too)


    ~~~


    How am I doing?


    ...I could be better. The phone incident was quite a long time ago, but it feels like it only happened yesterday. Stella continuously bounces up to me time and time again with questions on how to operate the damn thing. I can't refuse her requests. Her little eyes light up so brightly every time I show her a new thing about it even if it's as simple as taking a picture and showing it to other people. I'd feel awful if I shoo her away, so I simply do my best to force a smile on my face and help her out.


    I shouldn't be this sentimental about an object. C'mon, pull yourself together man! You don't remember much of what happened before the void so forget about it!


    ...Forget the parts that made you human, and throw away the fleeting memories you barely have to begin with.


    Yeah. Easier said than done. Maybe if I go stare at Amanda or something I'll feel better. I dunno. This sadness keeps following me as closely as my own shadow. There's not much to do in the void aside from work and sleep.


    For now, I'm just going to leave the tent... That'll be a start.


    All the SoulWorkers are on break until the SFL scouts can determine how much manpower they'll need for each section where our SoulForcers are missing. It won't be a long one for sure. We're hurting with more than half of our people MIA around here.


    I tried walking towards the place where Amanda hangs out. Ah, right. She's one of the people affected by the voice that's making us lose our SoulForcers. Miriam is watching her in the infirmary.


    Well... That's one diversion out the window.


    Maybe Iris or Haru can keep me company if they aren't busy. Haru likes to hang out around the infirmary, and Iris usually butts heads with Jin 24/7... I already ruled Iris out. I can hear her bickering with the boxing blockhead from me merely standing around in the camp. Welp. Haru it is, then.


    I caught her in the middle of watching Miriam treat Amanda.


    "Yo," I waved at the two lovely ladies. Haru sent me a soft smile, while Miriam didn't so much as bat an eye in my direction. She's totally engrossed in keeping Amanda healthy. The dim orange light of her SoulForce emitted from her hands, and she hovered over an unconscious Amanda that was drenched in a cold sweat. She's not looking too hot...


    "Amanda said the voice keeps getting louder. No matter what we do, she says she's always hearing it..." Haru maintained her grin, but it's clear she's worried about our primary communication expert.

    Miriam only nodded to agree with Haru. Her gaze never tore from Amanda.


    "If only the solution could be as simple as earplugs, right? Haha... Sorry, bad joke," I threw my hands behind my head. "If I could do something to help, I'd do it in a heartbeat y'know? Medicine isn't my expertise."


    "Same here. I know a little but Miriam is far better than me. I'm watching her so I can learn. Maybe someday I can use my SoulForce to heal people if I keep at it." Haru's gaze floated back to Miriam's hands.


    "Right... You've always wanted to be a doctor."


    Haru hummed her agreement.


    "I'd let you heal me anytime~ You can practice on me, even."


    "C'mon, not now, Erwin."


    "Sheesh. I'm just trying to lighten the mood. You all look depressed here."


    Haru finally looked at me again. She's staring into my eyes so intently I feel a bit uncomfortable. "So do you... You don't have to pretend."


    "Ah..." Damn. She actually noticed.


    "We're all worried about Sergeant Amanda. It's ok..." Haru frowned a little, and she resumed her careful study of Miriam's hands.


    She caught my woes but not the real cause of them. Phew. I dodged a bullet.


    Miriam suddenly took a loud gasp. For a moment, the light from her hands flickered but they resumed their steady flow. "M-my SoulForce is a little weak. I've been at this for hours..."


    Haru sprang to her feet. I rushed to Miriam's side, too. She looked almost ready to collapse.


    "You probably need to take a break," I advised. Haru agreed with a simple nod of her own.


    "I can't or else Amanda will never get any rest! This is the longest sleep she's ever gotten since the voices started. I can't give up. I have to heal her..."


    Haru gripped Miriam's shoulder. "You can't heal anyone if you exhaust yourself! Miriam, let me do it. I think I got the gist of it. I'm not as good as you but I'd rather try it than you-"


    A high pitched cry stopped Haru mid-sentence. The owner of it skipped right up behind us, totally unaware of what was happening.


    "...Erwin!!! The phone doesn't wanna load the pictures of the cute doggies!"


    "S-Stella..." Miriam barely murmured the girl's name.


    "Not now, princess, we're kinda busy," I replied, taken aback from her sudden appearance. Miriam is beginning to lean into Haru. This isn't looking good.


    Haru quickly looked between Stella and Amanda. Her eyes went wide, and she gestured for me to take Miriam's weight. I did it without hesitation.


    "Stella, can't you heal both Amanda and Miriam? We can heal them together! Miriam is tired and Amanda needs more rest. I'll help you too. I'm sure we can do it."


    I'm impressed. Haru thought of that quick.


    Stella didn't seem to mind at all. It might be a lack of understanding of the true gravity of the situation because she kept smiling through everything. "Oh, ok! I'll be happy to help. I'll even sing a lullaby."


    I guided the reluctant Miriam away from the two SoulWorkers so they could do their magic. I'm not sure how all this healing stuff works but I'm guessing it's easier if I stick her close to Amanda.


    Haru copied Miriam's technique of hovering her hands over her two patients. Her light shone much brighter than Miriam's dim one. Stella, on the other hand, placed her hands over her chest, shut her eyes as if she was praying, and her entire body glowed in a soft purple hue. Miriam and Amanda were wrapped up in it too. If she weren't a SoulWorker and constantly needed on the front lines, Stella would probably be a better healer than Miriam was. Amanda stopped sweating and Miriam was able to sit up straight in no time flat.


    "They're already better..." I murmured the obvious.


    Stella opened a single eye. "Yeah! Now I'll sing the song and both of them will be as good as new! The old man really likes this one. He heard it from the phone."


    If it's from my phone it's probably gonna be a corny love song. Time to cover my ears...


    Huh. She's not singing. She's only humming. It's quite a slow song and very melodic. It sounds an awful lot like something that should be very familiar...


    Wait. She shouldn't know that song. I deleted it. That's my mom's lullaby.


    ...The longer she does it, the more tiny details come back. She'd comb her fingers through my hair while she sang. I would be curled up against her side while I laid in my bed, taking in her warmth. Before I'd completely slip into dreamland, she'd replace her presence with a pillow. I clutched it. She would whisper a tender good night before the world grew dark, and I'd fall fast asleep.


    That's the extent of the memories. Not a single face pops up nor a name for my mother.


    ...Instead, what I get is this intense longing to feel that again. I miss her so much. I don't know what to do. Is she still alive? Is she dead? If I'm being honest with myself, it's extremely likely she kicked the bucket already. Not many of us humans are alive.


    This hurts way too much. I can't bear it.


    "I-I have to do something!" I shouted. I didn't bother waiting for a reaction from the others. I made a beeline for my tent.


    I sat on top of my sleeping sack. The tears don't stop. I hate feeling like this. Why can't I make it go away? I don't want to miss my mom! I don't want to think about her if it's this painful! But at the same time, forgetting about her as if she didn't exist wasn't right. It's clear she cared about me if I'm this tender about it. Not acknowledging her made me sound like some heartless jerk.


    All the thinking made me want to cry harder... Maybe I shouldn't think anymore. This pain I feel; it's worse than the wounds I get on the battlefield. I can't cure it. This is gonna stay on my mind for a long time.


    This is as bad as losing Catherine. It might be even worse.


    I'm using my jacket sleeve to cry into and it feels gross from the constant stream of tears. Stop... Stop...


    "I sensed sadness. I thought it was Stella's, but I never expected you to fall into something as deep as this. For the despair you hold in your heart to summon me like this..."


    I've heard that voice on occasion. It's the spirit that possesses Stella. He'd be the last thing I expected to walk into this tent. I only caught a glimpse of him; he's using the girl's body. I never got used to that deep voice leaving Stella's throat. I stuck my head back in my sleeve.


    "Go away," I instantly scolded him. My voice didn't sound that convincing with it cracking.


    "If that is what you wish, I will. But your suffering will only grow greater if you push everyone out like that."


    "I look pathetic right now. Leave a-already! Doesn't Amanda need you?!" If he weren't using Stella's body I would have thrown a rock at him or something.


    "Stella is a powerful girl. Amanda is resting peacefully and Miriam is taking a well-deserved break too."


    "Just shut up or else I'm gonna... gonna!" I can't even come up with a proper threat...


    I heard him sigh. "I understand. I'll leave you alone, but don't think Stella would be as quick to abandon you once I'm gone. Grief is a cruel mistress. You've experienced it multiple times I'm sure. I will admit, battling it alone is possible. But you should take advantage of sharing it with the ones around you. They know that pain all too well, just as you do. You've been sad for quite a while now..."


    Bah. That's big talk from a spirit who needs to channel through a tiny girl in order to speak. He can't do anything to help. He has no idea what I'm feeling.


    Next, I heard a yawn. The little sound was telling enough as is. Stella had returned. "Man... He really likes taking over when I tell him not to..."


    I can't bother hiding anymore. I quietly sniffed into my sleeve acting as if Stella wasn't standing a few feet in front of me.


    "Ah! Erwin! Why are you crying?" The small girl instantly rushed to my side. I did my best to pivot away from her. I shook my head in reply.


    "Don't worry about it. You can't help..."


    "Ah, but... But I want to help you! You're so nice to me. It's only fair! So what's wrong?" She nudged my shoulder, and her touch quickly changed into tiny rubs. It's obvious she wants to comfort me.


    "I'm not up for a chat right now..."


    "Ok. You don't have to talk then. I can hug you instead! Everyone likes those when they're sad. I know I do."


    "Stella, I-"


    She cut me off. Determined to stick with me, she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. Her grip isn't very strong. I could break out if I wanted to.


    ...But this warmth. It feels nice. It's better than the coldness of being alone in the tent, and it's distracting enough for me to finally pick my head up out of my sleeve. I don't want to leave.


    "Hey-"


    "Shhh. Don't talk. You said you didn't want to talk, right? So don't say anything. If you keep crying, I might cry too..."


    "...Heh." She's a funny one and far too sweet for me to the point I feel I'm unworthy for this type of attention. While this isn't solving the issue I face, Stella is slowly making this pain lose its intenseness...


    "Just a little longer..." I murmured, and I found myself returning the hug. She treated me like I was the kid here and started patting my head. I think I know where she gets that from. I do the same thing to her whenever she gets discouraged about something.


    "Of course. I'll stay until you stop crying. I'm 30 so I have to be the adult here!"


    She... Actually got me to laugh. Her intentions are too pure. Stella truly tries her best even if she doesn't know what's going on... And even if she's somewhat to blame for this grief. If she hadn't learned this song (or if the old man didn't tell her about it; whatever), we wouldn't be in this situation.


    I don't know if I'll ever find the courage to tell someone what I feel. It would overwhelm me, I'd lose myself to more stupid tears, and I'd struggle to form a measly sentence. I barely spoke to both the old man and Stella for crying out loud.


    ...Maybe I don't have to say anything at all. I mean, hugging Stella is keeping this bitterness at bay. I'm sure if Stella wasn't here my tears would have never stopped.


    Although, I can think about all of that later.


    Having a shoulder to cry on is more than enough for now.

    I main Erwin but still like... Jin is forever best boi~

    Server: [NA] Tenebris / [EN] Candus

    My YouTube Channel :D

    Twitch Channel Here <3

    "It's a dark philosophy, and it haunts her constantly. She's a false alarm to me. She's a false alarm!"